Topics: Mandatory - Bringing Back Man

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Unfortunately those two sites that you mentioned are the top two free ones. The rest are a joke. You could try paid sites but that s kind of lame. I know what you mean though, girls on that site are such jerks. Their profiles whine and piss about wanting a good guy, then you message them with something funny/witty that incorporates their about me and make yourself look good and they ignore you. End rant. Dating sites suck. More luck to you since you re a girl. Try craigslist personals.. 97% creeps so be very careful.

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The Rule of Funny trope as used in popular culture. Any violation of continuity, logic, physics, or common sense is permissible if the result gets enough of …

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Sept. 7, 2016

"Donald Trump has just revealed that he s not practicing for the upcoming debates in a traditional way, and has not been using a stand-in for Hillary. Which explains why today I saw Trump at Ann Taylor Loft yelling at a mannequin. That sweater set isn t very presidential! Sad! " –Jimmy Fallon

"Today, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said he s endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. Well, actually what he said was, I have an endorsement for... Hilarity? Is there a Hilarity here? Hillberry? Hill-am-bee? " –Jimmy Fallon

Memory s Going An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor s office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." Then his wife asked him, "Don t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" "No, I can remember that." "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you ll forget that," his wife said. "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don t need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

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here are a few hope you like them a virgin joke there was a virgin girl that told her boy friend that he was invited to dinner to meet up her parent s and since that was a especial event after she wanted it to o and make love so he goes to the pharmacist to get condoms and he tells the pharmacist that he has never had sex before so the pharmacist explains every thing about condoms and sex they were talking for an when the day came he goes and knocks and the girl opens and takes him to the dinner table were her parents were sited so when he gets there he puts hes head down and stars praying for dinner 5m past 10 finally after 20m his girls bends over and whispers i never knew you were this religious and the guys whispers back i never knew your dad was a pharmacist \ hope u like it here goes another one i just read it and i love it and thought of telling youi ------------------------------. This was written by a guy. it s pretty damn smart. Girls -- Have a sense of humor! One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don t feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear. "You re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn t decide which one to take, so I told her we d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you. she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That s fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let s go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don t feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I m not having sex tonight either..but at least that ***** knows I m smarter than her ------------------------------. I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn t overcome and didn t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn t say a word. She said, "I m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family". The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.